we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
