She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
