I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
