I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
