At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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