you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
