So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
