So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
