His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
