dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
