It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
