Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
