I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
