I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
