I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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