Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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