so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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