Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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