So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
