just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
