You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
