just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
