Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
