my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
