i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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