we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
