he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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