Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
