I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
