I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
