i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
