I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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