Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
