i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
