I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
