Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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