She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
