It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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