TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
