you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
