well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pants are for mortals
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
