i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
