I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
love makes seman taste better
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
