my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
