Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
