I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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