oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
