Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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