Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
