Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
