You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
